I found out yesterday that in just over a week I'll be in surgery. Wed 27 July to be exact. Now, before you get too excited or worried, its nothing life threatening – rather a relatively routine surgery, of the "female" kind.
I had known it was coming. But until yesterday I hadn't known exactly when.
I was referred by my Doctor last October and on the waiting list at the hospital since late February, but in my mind I'd relegated the surgery to sometime in the future, knowing the time would come one day but not quite believing it really would!
Now it was really happening. OMG!! I'm not ready. We've just moved house! I've got so much stuff to unpack and sort. A studio to set up and organise. A major market to prepare for. A trade event to visit. Products to design and make. Stockists to find...SO much to do.
I now have just over a week to do all the stuff I had planned to do over the next month. And to prepare myself physically AND mentally for surgery AND the recovery period. Five days in hospital. Four to six week recovery. No driving for four weeks.
I'd better find my wool stash asap and plan some knitting asap!!
I wrote those words on Tuesday, and since then I've sat with the feelings I expressed and really tried to listen to them. I suppose that's the benefit of writing things down, you can express and acknowledge stuff that you might not otherwise express and acknowledge.
I'm not ready.
I really feel rushed, not ready. I will come back from five days in hospital to a makeshift home, one that is not as comfortable and nurturing as I'd like it to be for my weeks of recovery. I also haven't found a GP down here, one that will work with me for post-operative care.
I'm not ready.
I attend a pre-admission clinic at the hospital today, three to fours hours of meetings, tests, questions and planning for the surgery. I'll get to meet my surgeon too. I'm going to ask if the surgery can be postponed a month.
Then I'll be ready.